“You look like the Fourth of July, makes me want a hot dog real bad”

We kicked off Fourth of July weekend by annihilating a bag of Cheetos Puffs while sitting in traffic on our way to the Jersey Shore. It didn’t dawn on us until we arrived two hours later that we would be sporting patriotic bikinis all weekend long, so we drafted a 0 calorie lunch plan. Kidding—no we’re not—here’s what we came up with:

• pickles/cucumbers
• PAM cooking spray
• lettuce
• Diet Coke
• celery

For the record, we are not a pro-anorexia blog nor did we ever consider eating this. We had hot dogs for lunch.

We also went to Surf Taco, a classic Jersey Shore dining establishment. We recommend the Maverick’s Burrito, a flour tortilla filled with char grilled chicken and the 5 basic burrito ingredients. Worth it to add guacamole for an extra $1.75. If you can’t name the 5 basic burrito ingredients, then you have no business reading this blog. TTYN.

Delicious lunch or small child...?

Unlimited fountain soda and a salsa bar give Surf Taco an A+ in quality, but the newbie busboy who spilled salsa on us gives it a D- (isn’t that just an F?) in customer service. Also, they were giving away free stickers—unlike the Millburn Deli, we stole those.

We saw Larry Crowne starring Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. Awful movie. We feel bad for Tom Hanks for writing it, and for making his wife Rita Wilson play a bank teller.

Skip this one...

If anyone was wondering what Wilmer Valderrama has been up to post-LiLo breakup and series finale of That 70’s Show… not much. Fez played the leader of a West Side Story-esque scooter gang. This was confusing for many reasons, mostly because while the gangsters did do a lot of snapping, they spent their time thrift shopping rather rumbling on the streets.

A word on Julia Roberts’ character: if she was teaching community college classes to pay the bills, then why did she have a different Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress for every day of the week?

Lastly, we’d like to give a general shout out to the lifeguards at the shore for their golden tans and patriotic apparel. We presume their toned bods are a result of their required stand up paddleboard workouts. SUP.

Picks:

• Movie: Catch and Release. The Lake House. Wondering why Oxygen stopped playing back-to-back showings of the Lake House.
• Books: Books are out this week because we’ve cornered the entire market for women’s magazines. Redbook, Women’s Health, Self, Us Weekly, Vanity Fair, Vogue, InStyle, O, and Lucky. We particularly recommend checking out this week’s issue of InTouch Weekly to read about Suri Cruise’s lonely summer (no friends, just bodyguards) and Octomom’s confession (“I hate children”)
• TV Show: Not the Kennedys.

Tags: #BrooklynDecker, #JerseyShore, #KeanuReaves, #starstheyrejustlikeus, #tacos